22 September, 1000
~A Cave in the Mountains~
Even with all the space depression filled every crevice. A few candles lightened the mood but only a little. At the end of one long, damp passage Jia juggled a small girl on one hip. She felt the pull of sadness like a strong current.
"They're too little to be losin' so much,"
she whispered placing the girl on the ground.
"Everyone lost somethin', no matter the age,"
Isy said bouncing the boy she held. Her red hair was pinned back tight under a small square of cloth. Jia's heart fizzled. Tears raced to escape. She longed for a firmer resolve. Isy would think her weak if she burst into tears, for certain. A grown woman did not show extreme emotions in front of others. Ever. The desire to weep grew irresistibly strong.
"I can't keep going like this!"
Jia yelled. Her hands flew to her face. There was nothing left of her identity. Air. She needed fresh air, to see the blue skies and feel the sunlight on her face. If she didn't do so soon her body was certian to vanish. Change into some sort of shadow.
"I just can't keep pretending."
She kept her back to Isy. Her face couldn't be trusted to hide her feelings.
Jia yelled. Her chest heaved as the long pinned down thoughts came loose.
"We just have to keep a going,"
Isy whispered. She laid the boy, Lich, down on the cavern floor. She put a hand to her stomach then stepped to Jia.
"We give up an' then what? Who'd care for these wee ones without a Ma or Da or anyone?"
Isy pulled Jia into a tight embrace.
"I won't let these babies lose us too,"
she whispered into the young woman's ear. Jia's body tensed. She closed her eyes wishing Isy would let go.
"How can you not give up? You've lost more than me,"
Jia said. A husband, three sons, and all her relatives. She was expecting too, would she lose the little life inside? She tried to comrehend just how someone who lost so much could still go on living.
"I've lost a lot- but nobody can take God from me. He will take care of me and what happens is His will. I don't need to worry about anything past that."
Jia shrugged staring at the floor. Depending on something you couldn't see was hard. More so when it was His will that her parents be murdered, defenseless, and their home burned to ashes. Or was this really His will?
"Keep hope if nothing else. Hope keeps you alive when nothing else can. Something good will come of this."
Jia shook her head the tears still dripping down her cheeks. She sniffed a long noisy almost honking noise. She was no woman. Jia had none of the graces women seemed to obtain effortlessly. She no longer had a house, relatives, possessions, or money, there was nothing.
"I ain't got hope,"
she said. Isy grabbed the younger girl's shoulders. Her hands squeezed Jia's shoulder twice.
"Never say that, ever."
Jia stepped back, her eyes staring up into Isy's. They were so stern, serious. Laugh lines around her eyes drooped. Jia hung her head. Isy was older, wiser, she must know what she was talking about, right? Why was her heart and mind disagreeing so much? Her heart said don't listen and her mind said Isy was wise. Jia's ears rang.
Isy asked. She moved her hands toward the girl then drew back. A stray curl fell from her cloth.
"Sometimes,"
Jia whispered. She wished someone could be just hers. A person to love her now that nobody else was left. She glanced up.
"It isn't all wrong to want things. We just can't act on it. Try to fill up the bad spots with good, promise me?"
Isy clasped her hands together.
"I don't want you to do anythin' you'll regret later."
Jia said. She crossed her arms and stared. Her heart slowed with cold anger. How dare she say how to live life! Nobody could tell how to live life, right? The secret longing filled her stomach until she felt ill.
"Don't let your fire die, please, I don't want to lose you too."
Jis started, the anger faded from her face and heart. This woman- she cared. She had not lost everything. There was still Isy. Life had to go on. Blushes rose up on Jia's face until her very ear tips turned a bright pink.
"I'm so stupid, and ugly. Forgive me?"
she asked. Isy nodded though her eyes still looked unsure. Her eyebrows were low over her eyes.
"You aren't stupid or ugly,"
Isy whispered. Jia shook her head. She could take some of the words to heart but not those. The woman wasn't all wise. Nobody else thought Jia smart or pretty. Even among those who had lost everything truth seemed to blare out at her with every turn. There would be no little one to love her anytime soon. The tears were coming on again like rain. It came and went so fast that Jia could hardly keep herself together.
she said. Isy chuckled, it didn't reach her eyes.
"No, you're normal. Everyone is messed up and feeling the same way as you do right about now. Only with God can we do right."
Jia said. Isy smacked her wrist hard.
"Course not! Everyone tries to hide it. Tell themselves they gotta be strong for a sister or brother or a friend. Truth of it is folks are just a aching to fall to pieces if just for half an hour."
Isy pointed to Lich, the little boy.
"Only the babies get to weep. I swear if this cave allowed us a private space folks would vanish for an hour or two every day."
Jia shuddered and reeled in her weeping. Everyone felt the same, was doing the same. Why couldn't they all be like the little ones? Life would be ever so much more comfortable and less complicated.
"Jia, are you a longing for a little one?"
Isy asked. It must show. Something in her eyes mayhaps. All the folks in the cave must point and talk of it behind her back.
"I thought so."
Jia turned to Ami, the girl she had been caring for earlier. She was wailing great big mouthy screams that echoed along the passages. Jia's chest ached.
"There ain't any shame in it. All girls think of it sometime. You know, nobody'd think a thing of you taking one of these little ones as your own. Wouldn't even bat a lid."
Could she, really? her eyes traveled from Ami to Lich, both about two years old. Lich looked more like her, blond and skinny. Ami though- she looked like on of them enemy babies. Folks already got awful skittish around her. Both orphans.
Jia asked. Isy's hands fluttered. A real smile made her smile wrinkled stop sagging.
"I s'pose two is okay long as you can handle it!"
she said. Laughter bubbled up inside Jia. Her emotions bobbed from one extreme to another. She picked up Ami and hugged her tight.
"I'm your new Ma,"
she whispered. All her insides jiggled and excitement rose to the forefront of the tangle of emotions.
"Sure are! And less work for the rest of us to do. Mayhaps I'll ask all the young ladies to take in a kid or two. I swear there are more young ones orphaned than anybody else."
Isy moved to Lich, leaning down to check on him.
"Ma?"
Ami asked, her lips trembled.
Jia said. The girl stared her eyes wide and mouth open. One curl hung over her thin little cheek.
"Where's Ma?"
she asked. Memories fade. The girl would forget her real parents within a handful of years, Jia knew. She would never lie, telling them she was the real Ma. They'd call her Ma no matter. She was a Ma now. A pinch of fear beat down the total excitement. She knew nothing of being a Ma.
"You're gonna be real busy now,"
Isy said. She wriggled her hands over Lich. Her fingers scritching on the rough fabric covering his body.
Lich giggled then shrieked.
"No ticki, no ticki!"
he yelled.
she tickled harder. Jia watched and a smile, just a tiny one, formed on her lips. She would live with hope. Hope that Ami and Lich would be able to live without being terrified of attacks or the enemy.
She wasn't sure why or how but Jia felt the wave of sadness and fear ebb throughout the cave. Maybe it was the wild laughter of the two year old boy. Perhaps that one sound reminded all the sad and disheartened that laughter still exsisted in the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment